It's a hard job

This picture is a reminder for me of where we've been and how far we've come

It's funny, I was thinking about the other day and shared with a friend of mine over a conversation about parenting... it seems as though being a mom is living in a state of constantly second guessing your decisions. It's so easy before becoming one yourself to look from the outside and think you know how you would react to situations or methodically approach things like bed time, food, illness... yikes just wait 'til discipline comes in play!
It's like you're trying to read your child and respond in a way that is appropriate for them as an individual. You don't want to give in on everything, but they live in this soft spot you never knew you had... especially if you're a real tuff-ass like myself. And when they're sick or hurting you just want to make it magically go away. Truthfully this whole process we've been through with the rashes, food allergies, bacterial infection has probably been ions more painful for me than him.
Over the weekend we tried our first non-cereal food; bananas. Everything seemed to have been on the mend since I finally gave up breast-feeding. So we thought it was a good time to get started... I mean, he's HUNGRY! Ya know? And he has 2 teeth! Well... we started noticing some reddness in the cheeks and around the mouth then tuesday night he started secreting/sweating UGH! I went to the store at midnight to buy goats milk thinking he was reacting to the formula. Who knows! My head swimming, I began to suffocate again. I swear the enemy knows his way in.... why can't I lock that door??? I would recite in my mind "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" Matt 11:28 I know he can take my anxieties but I can't fully let go. Somewhere in this life as a parent I am going to have to learn to let go a little bit. So maybe this is all a lesson in trust. Well, perseverence... now trust... Okay Lord have I learned all I need to from this? That's what I am really saying.
Anyways, In the morning I gave him cereal mixed w/water and called the doc. They said they would get him in in the afternoon. He was wtill hungry, I gave him the Goats Milk.... in front of my face he started turning redder, maybe even swelling up? Is my mind playing tricks on me? WHAT DO I DO??? I called my neighbor Dana a mom of 3 boys and asked her to look at him... I was panicking. I'm tired of panicking. She prayed with me over Oliver, a while later we left for the Doctor's a little early. During the last break out; the word took me to James 5:14 "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord." So this time I stopped by the church, an emotional mess. Many staff members stopped what they were doing and gathered around me and Oliver in prayer. I am so thankful for a praying church.
The doctor felt confident that Oliver's reaction was to the Banana's and not the formula. Probably most people would have been able to see that... but you're lookng through a foggy lens when you're emotionally exhausted from putting out the same fire over and over again. Anyways, he seems to be doing good.
Last night I said to Mike, "I got dealt the wrong hand, I am not a good match for this challenge" He assured me that is not true, that I am strong enough. We agreed this is just the first of many challenges. It's the hardest job on earth. Probably cause you care more about this job than any other you will ever have. It's a blessing to care so much.

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